back to where my life had meaning...

(i will have my duty at 6am...station 5) i woke up today on a dimlit, sad, rainy world... the water felt so cold on my body, i shivered the moment it touched my integumentation, it agitated my bones but it was nevertheless refreshing. i haven't done my NCP yet. Thought of doing my assessment for my NCP today so that all my care would still be relevant. i need salt right now...i need power... (while the endorsement was going on...) we were exchanging text messages last night before i slept... i was really glad. my happiness is unfathomable, i brought Mini's pants...finally... i think Mickey( a friend of mine) is a bit mad at me, well she should be...my contempt or lack of it had been breeding inside me, perhaps due to my growing familiarity. She's right in front of me but i feel like she's so far away. Helen( my girl crush) always looked pretty, bad that she knows about my promiscuity...could have courted her if i still had enough of what it takes to become a good personim doing his NCP for today... i really don't know if this is still right for a person who only wants friendship from another person but heck... i'm glad i have some part in his life...though not that significant it still makes me happier every single day... i have kept my recollections of that night safely under my sleeve...hehe...i have spilled the beans to Russell and Argina but still under my anti-hazarding measures.i used to receive text messages from someone i had kept hidden behind the shadows of a coldcares_virus but had to evade from using the code after an annoying friend snooped in and threathened his identity. Almost close there but i emerged lucky to have had concealed my windows. i used occlumency and i made it...or did i really? Every day right now is not just a game of chance or survival... it's living life now...filling every end with a dose of hope when darkness seem to be so long...believing that the sun is just behind the clouds...waiting...to shine again...

I touched the world...the world touched me.

it's been pouring heavy rain the whole day...i loved the sound it made on the rooftops. i was watching from a window at the fourth floor of the hospital. i thought of how those raindrops would look when it would fall on him...like that of the leaves' now...it feels cold. would he possibly feel the same cold too? i have been thinking of him the whole week and i am thankful of him...really. i thought all this while that this feeling would never come to me again but now here i am...awe-inspired ,moved and moving on. felt much like of being stuck before he came... used to call my life a piece of shit but now it's coming back to where it used to have meaning. if this rain's heaviness should measure the DEPTH of my soul right now...the heavens would have to pour all that it have just to fill up...i was afraid of how vulnerable i can be if i let my self fall but it just feels good to evade from everyday survival and start LIVING LIFE...i was afraid but when i touched the world, the world touched me.